Am I Institutionalized?
Dayron Malloy JF3388
Today I received news that someone I know has effectively ended their life. I can't say our relationship was extremely personal or close, but it was a relationship that I took serious notice of due to the kindnesses I received from this person that I was not obligated to receive. The person I'm speaking of is a correctional officer, and I am an incarcerated man. We didn't spend any time together really but knowing that she is no longer here is having an effect on me that is oddly uncomfortable, but genuinely felt. I learned two things from this. I feel like you can never know how deeply someone impacts your life until you feel their absence in it. The other thing is you can never presume to know what someone is going through based off outward appearances. Every single day people struggle to get through another day and most days we fail each other. We have allowed color lines to be so deeply drawn that instead of being a resource to each other we are seeing each other as enemies every time we meet. Does a career choice or my incarceration mean that we have to be opposition for the rest of our lives. Does it mean I am not allowed to be cared about as a human being or that I can't care about someone as the same. Is caring about someone's humanity Stockholm syndrome? Is feeling this person's loss an indication of me being institutionalized? If it is should I choose to be institutionalized as opposed to callous and cold?