I am so unhappy. My life is an existence of circles and I keep feeling trapped in endless cycles of misery. I keep waking up frustrated that I woke up. I'm exhausted with existing. I really don't feel like I'm growing. I feel stuck and stagnant and I don't wanna be me anymore. I'm trapped in worlds that I don't wanna live in. I care about a lot of ppl who don't care about me and I'm losing whatever it is that keeps me invested. Life is one problem after the next. It feels like a chore that I receive no payment or fulfillment from. Everyday gets harder to make it through. Every day seems less and less worth pressing on for. I like sleeping because then for a while at least I don't exist. I always feel like if I never wake up from my sleep why would that be so bad? A dude in a show asked his homie as they were staring down a long drop, I think they were on a bridge. But he asked him when you look down do you feel like falling or jumping. His homie said he so doesn't know. Later in the season right before his homie dropped off a building and killed himself he had an answer. He said "What difference does it make? Jumping or falling won't matter after." I'm tired of being everything negative. Mean, angry, sad, frustrated. I'm tired of lying to myself that it's gonna get better soon. I'm tired of working so hard to get free. I don't care about tomorrow or the future I just want shit over. I used to care that ppl would say jailbroke me or I was weak, but what difference will it make to me what ppl say? I really don't believe in heaven or hell. I don't believe in anything. I've really seen ppl cease to exist whether they wanted to or not. Ppl who really didn't wanna go are gone, while I'm still here. I wish I was like Infinite cause I'd def start over rn. I'm cool just sharing how I feel.
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